This Is How I Feel

I've begun recently to get a clearer sense of our being aliens as Christians.  More and more I feel out of place.  There is a real sense of existential distress.  Not in a nihilistic way, not like Sartre or Camus, or others like them. But a very real and pervasive questioning of my life, the way I live and the way of life of the world around me.  And I find myself in a black-hole of sorts, in a vacuum between the church and the world.  I find the secular world-view to be vacuous and futile.  Greed, oppression, and violence are the rules of the game.  It's sad, frankly.  And it is death to the soul.  What is worse, the place that I should be able to turn, the church, is playing the same game, and playing by the same rules.  Now to be fair it's not all bad.  There are shafts of light that break through the stormy clouds.  I find myself drawn to those shafts and feel at home in the brilliance of Love that makes the light.  But at the same time, while traveling from shaft to shaft, the path is dark and cold.  And I don't know what to do.  The word of God is supposed to be a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.  But what do you do when that word is being distorted?  When it is being covered and causing the path to be shrouded in darkness all over again?  When those in whose charge it is fail to use it properly or effectively?  These are things I working through.  This is how I'm feeling right now.  I see more and more how much I bleed the half-truths and blatant lies of my culture, secular AND christian.  It's beyond my control, and beyond my ability to do much about it right about now.  That's all.